What If You Are the Love of Your Life?

I came across a short video this week that made me think, groan, then smile. (See the video below.)

A woman in her 40s was talking to a professional matchmaker, and she was frightened. She'd never experienced the great love everyone talks about. The can't-eat, can't-sleep, butterflies-in-your-stomach, somebody-thinks-you-hung-the-moon kind of love.

Her fear was simple and heartbreaking: What if it never happens? What if the love of my life never shows up?

And then the matchmaker asked her a cheesy question that we've all heard before:

"What if you are the love of your life?"

The client groaned. I groaned.

The matchmaker went on to explain that she absolutely wanted this woman to find love. After all, helping people find partners was her business. But she didn't want her client putting her entire life on hold while waiting for someone to arrive.

And that got me thinking about how many of us do exactly that.

We spend so much of our lives waiting for something to happen before we give ourselves permission to be happy. Waiting to meet someone. Waiting to lose twenty pounds. Waiting until we have more money, more confidence, a better body, or fewer wrinkles.

Somewhere along the way, we start treating our own lives like they're the opening act, waiting for the headliner to arrive.

But what if the headliner is already onstage?

Think about all the things we put off because we're waiting for someone to share them with. That trip to Italy. The beautiful dishes we never use. The restaurant where we'd feel awkward asking for a table for one. The house we want to decorate, the dog we'd love to adopt, the dinner parties we'd like to throw.

We save the good stuff for a person who may or may not ever show up.

And that's a terrible waste of a perfectly good life.

Now, I'm not suggesting that wanting love is foolish. Far from it. I think being loved, being touched, being desired, and having somebody who knows exactly how you take your coffee are among life's greatest pleasures. I hope every man who wants that kind of connection finds it.

But here's the part of that conversation that really struck me.

If someone wonderful eventually comes along, he doesn't have to become your whole life. He gets to join the wonderful life you've already created.

And if he doesn't come along? You still have a life filled with experiences, friendships, adventures, laughter, and memories. Not a consolation prize. A life worth celebrating in its own right.

I think this is especially important as we get older. Some of us have loved and lost. Some have spent decades waiting for the right man. Others have discovered that the life they imagined at 25 looks nothing like the one they're living at 55, 65, or 75.

And some of us have been single for so long that we've forgotten we don't need another person's permission to have a wonderful time.

There's still time to fall in love. With a man, certainly. But also with a city you've never visited, a hobby you've never tried, a friendship you haven't yet made, or the person looking back at you in the mirror.

So buy the good sheets. Take the trip. Wear the ridiculous shirt. Invite people over even if the house isn't perfect. Go to dinner alone and order dessert.

And for heaven's sake, stop waiting for someone else to decide that you're worth celebrating.

Because you are.

The matchmaker closed that conversation with a line I think we should all carry around in our back pockets:

"You're already in the love story, and I'd like you to start acting like it."

I couldn't agree more, gentlemen.

And who knows? Maybe while you're out there living that fabulous life of yours, someone wonderful will come along and ask if there's room for two.

Wouldn't that be lovely?