Which World Cup team has the biggest dicks?

Wherever you are, you're probably keeping a fairly close eye on the action of the World Cup.

Obviously, it's entertaining football - these men are at the top of their game - but the thing that I can't help wondering is, which team has the biggest dicks?

While my request to individually measure the players of each team has so far gone unanswered, we can put our research skills into action.

The data that we need for any comparisons is measurements taken by health professionals, measuring the erect penis from the tip of the cock-head to the bottom of the pubic bone.

The graphic below illustrates a published comparison of penis-size by country. The colour coding isn’t particularly helpful – it reinforces negative perceptions about penis size. Whatever you’ve got is cool, it’s just interesting to see the variation.

It's worth remembering that there’s also a lot of variation of penis-size within a country. Genetics is the biggest factor in determining penis-size, not the country in which we are born.

With all those caveats, what the data shows is that it's the team from the Democratic Republic of Congo that are the big swinging dicks of the World Cup - averaging 7.1 inches when erect.

Unfortunately, their supremacy in cock-size hasn't translated positively to their performance on the field. They're in Group K and need to convincingly beat Uzbekistan on 28 June in order to progress to the next round.

If we look at the United States - one of the host nations of the tournament - their penis-size is at the lower-end of the scale, averaging 5.1 inches when erect. But they've finished top of the table in Group D and have sailed through into the Round of 32. They'll be facing Bosnia & Herzegovina on 2 July, a match that they're expected to win.

France has emerged as one of the favourites to take the trophy, but they are far from the biggest cocks on the field - averaging 5.7 inches when erect. They've finished top of Group I and have ensured that they'll be moving forward into the Round of 32.

The team from Japan are potentially the smallest guys on the field - averaging 4.3 inches when erect. But they are putting every inch into their game - they're sitting in second position of Group F and look certain to progress into the next round.

What all of our analysis is suggesting that it's possible that penis size doesn't have much bearing on your football ability. In fact, having a massive cock might actually hinder your on-field performance. Huge if true.

I am a bit of a self-declared expert in dicks of all shapes and sizes. For my photography project, the Dick Diaries, I've photographed hundreds of men - getting up close and personal with their penises. If you'd like your cock included in the project, get in touch and let's showcase every inch!